Peoria, WI. Local overacheiver Jim Kwelter has finally been cured of his annoying addiction to success. After receiving his MBA in just 5 years and rising through the ranks of Donnelton Industries to become their most successful salesman in their 30 year history, Kwelter saw it was time to take a step back. "All I ever did was work," said Kwelter from his comfortable, well-appointed ranch house, "Sure, I got amazing results and I saw big money, but I felt like there was always less out there that I could be doing." Kwelter's wife of 9 years, Nancy, was supportive: "Jim has always achieved whatever he set his mind to and when we bought our third house and a boat, we knew something had to give." Kwelter entered the Phoenix Rehabilitation Center on March 9th, just three days after sealing yet another multi-million dollar deal for Donnelton. "God damn I'm gonna miss that guy, he could do everything, and he made us alot of money," stated Kwelter's former parter Bruce Knockleton. Through extensive therapy and treatment at the Phoenix Center, Kwelter finally emerged a loser. "Jim sure has become a fuck-up," according to Nancy, "I can't even get him to take out the garbage now, but at least he's finally kicked his terrible addiction to work." Kwelter emerged from his trash strewn living room in the evening dressed only in stained pyjama bottoms to issue the following statement: "Fuck it."
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