Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Nevada City, WI. Wooded Strings, a leading group in the modern folk renaissance have ceased to be a collaborative effort and are currently operating as a tight-fisted monarchy. Group leader Ky McHenderson insists the group is still friendly, "We're a family. I just want to make music with my family of friends and whichever wayfaring strangers happen to venture down my path." McHenderson's girlfriend and ukulele player for Wooded Strings, Opal Moonblood, sees things differently, "Ky has been an insufferable asshole ever since we got that story about us in Magnet. Now it's his way or the highway, God he reminds me of my dad when he drinks." Accordionist Eagle Bearriver concurred, "All Ky ever talks about is how this band is a family but he won't even let us play on the recordings anymore. Opal is no better, always running around saying everything is fine while he's fucking that girl from Brooklyn." Trumpet player Energy Dave has kept his opinions private, echoing the withdrawn tendencies of younger children in abused homes. Rice Appleton, booking agent for the upcoming Family Magic Music Dreams festival which Wooded Strings are set to headline, popped a cassette of Black Sabbath 4 into his office boombox and muttered, "Fuck it."
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
USA, WI. In a bold move intended to tighten the belts of Americans hit hard by the economic recession, it has been announced that all top ten lists will now be shortened to top five. Comedians, music nerds and sports fanatics have all begrudgingly accepted that the national economy can no longer afford a full load of ten favorite things. "I've relied on a top ten for years," stated general geek Howard Robeson, "I can name my ten favorite cartoon characters, ten favorite breakfast cereals and ten best lines from Kramer on 'Seinfeld' but I guess it's time to thin the herd." A contingent of video store owners has embarked on a envoy to Washington seeking a repeal but until the economy picks up, America will have to be satisfied with only half of it's favorite things. There is still no word on what will happen if someone constructs two top five lists of the same subject but Harold Jepster, lead joke writer for David Letterman's Tonight Show was quoted as saying, "Fuck it."