Kingston, Jamaica. Behemoth steak chain Sizzler has joined forces with dancehall reggae superstar Sizzla Kalonji to create the world's first reggae steakhouse, the Ital Fruit, Steak and Juice House. "We're thrilled to be joining forces with this energetic young man," said Jerry McCatherty from a press conference high in the Jamaican mountains. While many Rastafarians are vegetarian and the pro-hemp decor may be frowned down upon in many American communities, Kalonji is still supportive. "I & I rasta make the steak an' seafood platter meself, seen?" he stated during the press conference, "Woe to the downpressors of King Sellassie I, rasta bring ital cheesy toast to the Hola Mount Zion that all the children of Jah might overstand the conquering lion of Judah return in triumph over the wicked forces of babylon, sight?" McCatherty nodded and smiled nervously while Kalonji continued to regale the assembled press corp while DJ Killa B began spinning the dub plate of Sizzla's latest single, "Princess Black Steak." The first customers at the new chain, Bill and Marilyn Eschester of Blarettsvile, Indiana were somewhat taken aback by the casual attitude of the waitstaff and Marilyn was concerned about the pungent aroma of ganja smoke emitting from teh kitchen but when the cheesy toast came out they both agreed: "Fuck it."
No comments:
Post a Comment