Silicon Valley, WA. The internet, a vast network of computers and servers which enables people to communicate and learn information from remote locations, will be closed for cleaning this Friday from 4 to 6 pm PST. All email, web services, e-commerce, online gaming, porn sites and social networking sites will be vaccumed, rinsed, dusted and shaken out of windows while the growing number of e-dishes piling up in the sink will be washed and put in the drying rack. Furthermore, recycle folders and trash options will be emptied and a refreshing lemon e-scent will be sprayed to eliminate online germs and odors. If you plan on using the internet during this time, please be advised that if you did not write your name and a date on your documents with a pen, they will be deleted. The last time the internet was cleaned was in 2004 when hirsute internet user Seth Rayfield of Archway, Wisconsin left a giant electronic hairball in the drain of a popular online shower site which took programmers and software engineers all morning to extract and place in a nearby web-based garbage can. International news organizations have reported that Bobby Thompson of North Bloomfield, Arizona will be attempting to access the popular squirtingmilf.net site while his mother is out grocery shopping at this time and will most likely utter the popular exclamation, "Fuck it!"
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