Fucking Piece Of Shit!

Lake Turbold, IN. Frustrated blogger Charles Atwoodsen has recently suffered a disasterous turn of fate when this fucking piece of shit wouldn't do what it was fucking made to do, thereby fucking up his entire god-damn morning trying to fix it. Atwoodsen, author of the popular Technophilia blog about home computers and their open-source applications recently had to drop everything so this god-damn fucking piece of garbage would turn on and actually do what they say it's supposed to do instead of sitting there like a god-damn $1000 paperweight on his kitchen table. Atwoodsen's long-term girlfriend Jill Kraznerst brought it home around 7 o'clock the previous night and they were too distracted by the movie on tv to try it out until just now. "I though, sure, I'll give it a go," Atwoodsen was reported to have said, "Until I'm up to my fucking knees in spare parts here just trying to get the fucking thing to power up! We thought it would be fun but I'm ready to throw the thing out the fucking window right now." Atwoodsen was too embarrassed to call his father, a professional mechanic, for advice on how to engage said piece-of-shit. Atwoodsen continued: "All I know is if Jill can't get this thing working I'm going to fucking kill somebody with it because god-damn it was expensive!" Janet Freiluv, the tattooed, pierced saleswoman at Couples Love Boutique who had helped Kraznerst the previous day released a statement earlier today saying, "Fuck it."