Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Palin Delivers Satan Baby On RNC Podium

Disturbed liberal pundits and right wing conservatives shared a rare moment of togetherness tonight as fledgeling politician and obvious Illuminati stool-pigeon Sara Palin doubled over in pain during her Vice Presidential acceptance speech and delivered the evil seed of the Dark Lord Himself from the podium of the Republican National Convention in Minneapolis tonight.
Palin was midway through her seemingly contradictory defense of the death penalty while damning abortion when she suddenly dropped to her knees and began speaking in tongues. "A child must be born before the government can execute it," she told the rapturous crowd of 5,000 supporters in her largest political speech to date; at which point her eyes rolled back into her head and she began intoning a dark incantation: "Cursed angel of light- I deliver unto thee a spawn that may sit beside thee on your oaken throne forevermore" while beams of dark matter shot forth from her eye sockets.
The succubus emerged from beyond the hem of her red Vera Wang power suit with eyes of fire and a flickering tongue of flame. Republican party liason with God, Billy Graham looked on unpreturbed by the events unfolding. "All part of the master plan" he was heard mumbling under his breath. As the writhing, blood red demon of the Netherworld began unfolding it's leathery wings, Republican Party members were equally divided among those cheering the blood soaked Palin and those screaming for the exits. "I, spawn of Lucifer claim this Xcel Energy Center of Minneapolis- Saint Paul as castle and keep of my dark lord for his eternal reign upon this cursed plane!" the fire-breathing succubus was heard uttering as loyal Republican supporters switched their placards from the standard red and blue "McCain/Palin" signs to charred metal signs reading "Lucifer/Cheney 2008- Together we can!" Current Vice President and 43rd level Illuminati Grand Wizard Dick Cheney was unavailable for comment but his press secretary issued a statement from his brimstone bunker high in the Swiss Alps which read a succinct, "Fuck it. "

1 comment:

twiceastammy said...

i'm printing this out and pasting it up in my cubicle NOW...along with this:
http://bumpshack.com/2008/09/02/sarah-palin-gun-toting-bikini-babe-photo/