New Lubbock, WI. Jim Breizling, the general manager of the floundering ARC Electronics Corporation announced today at a company-wide meeting that very soon that remaining company employees will be enjoying increased parking spaces and more room in the refrigerator. While many employees of the hopelessly overstaffed enterprise were confused how exactly Breizling would implement these plans, others were skeptical. "We haven't sold any 5890s in two months and half the stuff we are selling is being returned as defective," mused junior engineer Thad Willis. "Half the day everyone's just standing around at their stations waiting for some work to come down the line." Breizling and financial manager Carrie Worthling were evasive about how their goals would be reached. "There may be some changes in each of your departments," Worthling stated, "There may be a few more office supplies to go around and despite no increase in revenue, you may find a little extra coffee in the pot each morning." Employees were guarded but optimistic. "I don't know how they plan on keeping us all here, and now with extra benefits? I'm excited," stated customer service rep Mark Thanguay, who totally missed the point of the meeting. Therese Mendoza, a clerk at the New Lubbock branch of the unemployment office reportedly told her co-workers, "Fuck it."
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