All Music Now Free.

Earth, USA. In a startling move designed to placate fussy youngsters on social networking sites, the RIAA has deemed that all music will now be free of charge. "We saw the writing on the wall, and we knew that the time was right," said RIAA Chairman Del Courty. "Music distributed both online and at traditional, quaint 'brick and mortar' stores is now completely gratis." With the exception of a short altercation at a Lubbock-area Wherehouse Records when the store was over-run by looting customers, the transition has mostly gone unnoticed. In an act of industry solidarity, music-instrument makers are following suit. Gibson Guitar spokesman Jell McLarity had this to say: "In support of the RIAA, Gibson guitars and all other guitar, bass and drum makers are now offering their products for no money down ever. If you can prove that you will, indeed, make music with these instruments, then they will be given to you free of charge." The long-reaching effects of this resolution are expected to trickle down to touring musicians as both Union 76 and Shell Oil have stated if a band is touring or driving to or from a show or practice session, they can fill up their tank for free. There have been rumors that bar owners may follow suit and offer free alcohol to anyone listening to free music as well. Ironically, items used to hear music, like iPods, will remain at full price, as will keyboards. 8 year old Kelly Brunckins responded by looking through a glass display case at a Bratz Magic Keyz keyboard and saying, "Fuck it."