Thursday, March 25, 2010

SXSW Enters Ninth Grueling Week

Austin, WI. South By Southwest, the annual music festival held in Austin, has recently been expanded from 4 days to ten grueling weeks. "We knew we had a viable brand and we sought to corner the market, but, my God, what have we done?" asked the visibly exhausted festival chairman Jace McKraaken. Citing the large number of available venues and seemingly limitless number of young bands, SXSW has grown into an unstoppable entertainment juggernaut. At previous SXSW conferences, an average of 300 bands played per day for four days, the new, expanded schedule allows for over 22,000 musical groups to play such hallowed stages as Curly's Rib Joint, The Famous Austin Chicken Shack and the Blender Bar. "The added influx of new talent has been amazing," declared a delirious Fred Nurdson, head writer for the popular Indiewhatever blog, "Jesus, I'm seeing bands I didn't even know existed- I haven't seen my wife since February!" Given the expanded number of showcases, promoters have scrambled to fill every slot. Says McKraaken, "We've booked high school jazz bands, I bought a guitar for this one kid and put him up on stage, we even reformed the Benjamins, my funk group from high school for a 1 am headlining slot at the Magic Eel." Gulping coffee by the pint, McKraaken left for Fourth Street where, "This amazing group of homeless guys are headlining at Emos- you gotta check em out!" Meanwhile, Tim McPhereson, lead songwriter of the Miracle Mile Men surveyed an empty amphitheatre which he and his band-mates had driven over 400 miles to play. "Our next song is called...." he muttered into the microphone, "Fuck it."

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