Apple Introduces iTalkpad

Silicon Valley, WI. Hot on the heels of the introduction of the soon-to-be-outdated iPad, Apple Computer Corp. has unveiled their latest creation: the iTalkpad. This laptop-sized computer offers all the features of the original iPad with the modern convenience of the iPhone, making it the most humongous and versatile portable communication device on the planet. A discrete mouthpiece is located at the far end of the touchscreen while the earpiece is located at the opposite end. When asked about the commercial viability of a 12 pound, 22" cell-phone, Apple owner Steven Jobs stated, "Our market research has found if it has our logo on it, people will shell out the bucks." Almost on cue, Apple enthusiast Mark Cragmoor of Nashua, WI threw away his unopened iPad box and got back in the car to drive to the Apple store at the Nashua Boardwalk Mall. When he saw the iTalkpad wouldn't be commercially available until next week, he went to the Orange Julius stand and when he finished his drink said, "Fuck it."