East Lansing, WI. Executives at Tony's Fun & Slide Water Park have been disappointed by the lackluster response to their new ad campaign. "We thought we should go edgy and think outside the box, but boy were we wrong," stated park owner Tony Assmunssen. Entrance numbers have plummeted since Assmunssen hired cutting edge advertising firm The Globe for their latest campaign, despite record high temperatures throughout the East Lansing area. Brooklyn Featherlight, the creative CEO of the Globe Collective had this to say, "We went big, we went bold, we knew Tony wanted results and our unique synergy of style and substance was perfect for this campaign. What's wrong with the people of East Lansing? Got me, I live in NoLiTa." Previous summer campaigns for the beleaguered water park have included a dolphin wearing a thong and last year's portrait of Fred Flintstone riding the waterslides in an innertube made of granite. Inka, the 3,000 pound killer whale who has become the centerpiece of the campaign recently bit the arm off of trainer Don Horstein who, as blood gushed from the hole where his arm used to be, reportedly screamed, "Fuck it."
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