Monday, June 8, 2009

Hipster Stranded in Country Section.

hipster stranded in country section
Brooklyn, WI. Local hipster Dan "D-Way" Wayne was mortified to find he had wandered into the Country Music section of the neighborhood Wax Emporium. "I don't know how it happened," a visibly shaken Wayne stated, "I was in there hunting for this Deerhunter test pressing and I guess I got distracted. I didnt even know they had a country section- till now." Fearful that he would be spotted by his peers, Wayne quickly stooped down and pretended to tie the purple shoelaces of his vintage Nike dunks before crawling on all fours in the direction of the Electronica section. However, before he could hide behind the Grizzly Bear marbled vinyl 12"s, Wayne spotted fellow record snob Andrea "Anda Bear" Gurwietz and was forced to to quickly turn around. Mortified by the poorly designed sleeves and blatantly sentimental songwriting, Wayne began to panic and fidgeted with the zipper puller of his Japanese dayglo hoodie. The situation deteriorated when Wayne saw local DJ Anders "Firebird PM" Storrenson in the foreign film DVD section perilously close. "I wish I'd picked up that NEU! original pressing that I was looking at- I could at least cover my face with something other than Charlie Pryde." Wayne's humiliation was complete when he saw his iPhone battery had died and he couldn't text fellow hipster Orville "Ozone" Batters for a bailout. At closing time, Wayne was reportedly hiding in the overstock shelves under the records and store owner Tim Bradford tried to dislodge him with a broom handle before leaving him there, locking up the store and saying, "Fuck it."

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