OBAMA SHORTENS MESSAGES OF HOPE AND CHANGE TO "CHOPE"

Liberty, MA. Democratic presidential candidate and probable Republican stool pigeon Barack Obama has shortened his message of hope and change to a single invented word: "Chope." This is a startling reversal from last week's extension of his campaign message to include "Hope, change, foresight and panache" Obama's reversal was quickly seized by the rival McCain campaign. "This is further proof that Obama is a flip flopper and not a hip hopper," McCain stated,"He needs some Blue-Blockers and some pop-lockin' if he wants to lead this nation of millions." McCain has recently began rapping all his public statements in an effort to make headway in the politically active 18-21 year old African American demographic. Obama remains unflustered: "We need chope! Let's chope for chope! Chope is dope like the pope on a rope, yes yes y'all" Obama told a small group of seniors at a Wisconsin retirement center on Tuesday. The McCain campaign has denied allegations that they will shorten their campaign slogan of "Straight talk" to a simpler "Stalk" but conservative pundits still agree that Republican vice presidential candidate and hockey playing pit-bull supporter Sarah Palin will be wearing a large alarm clock around her neck and shouting "Yeeeeahboyeeeeee!" by the end of the week. Current American president George Bush (the younger one, not the older one) emerged from an Oxycontin stupor just long enough to issue the following strongly worded statement: "Fuck all y'all bitches and ho's."