Tuesday, October 21, 2008

McCain Endorses Obama

Fort Lauderdale, MO. In a stunning turn of events, Republican Presidential nominee John McCain endorsed Democratic Presidential nominee Barack Obama for president during a campaign speech at the Lake Woosley Senior Center today. "He's got the experience, he's got eloquence, he's got a gleam in his eye that feels like he's looking right into your soul," stated McCain to a confused group of retirees. "His broad shoulders can stand the burden of running this country and his firm, yet gentle hands will steer us on the right course." McCain's aides immediately scrambled to spin the story on his behalf. "A vote for Obama is still a vote for McCain!" yelped senior advisor Scott Hurtrout, adding, "We're all in this together!" Obama's campaign has actually rejected the endorsement stating, "This is another example of McCain pandering and flip flopping. He just wants to be on the side that's winning," adding, "And we clearly are because we're already on the cover of all these magazines talking like we're already the President so nyahnny-nyahnny-nyah nyah!" The press agent then stuck his thumb to his nose and waved his fingers in the air. Democratic vice-presidential candidate Joseph Bin Biden was quoted as saying, "What the fuck do I care, I'm just the veep?" While Republican white witch Sarah Palin was too busy burning books and not aborting down-syndrome babies to be reached for comment. Current President (in name only, let's admit it) George Bush posted a strongly worded statement from his Crawford Texas ranch (which he bought after becoming President strictly for photo-ops- really) stating, "Fuck it."

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